Saturday, May 22, 2010


Well as you guys know, I  am a caring sharing kinda gal so I composed this top 10 list
to help others avoid unnecessary hardship
(oh and did I mention humiliating) ...




10) Do NOT think you'll do it in a day or ...easily!

 9)  On the second not think you'll finish it in a couple hours especially if you have a "sick" kid playdohing beside you. Do not NOT shower because you'll knock this over in a couple hours cause it may just be everyone else thats being knock over 6 hours later! BO PEE U!

 8)   Do NOT think yourself so smart because you thought to wear should have thought to buy gloves that offered coverage to the elbow at least! (Maybe the armpit is there such a thing?) And yes I wore a bandanna to protect my hair...who knew laquer stuck to eyebrows and lashes!!!
And HOW damn it???

 7)  Do NOT attempt this job at home if you have Facebooked till two am in the morning the neighbours now have adifferent oppinion of my mastery of the english language!
(I am soo sorry but sh1t really does happen! LOL)

 6)  Train for the event or at least have used some of the muscle groups needed to contort to the inside of a cupboard. Oh and have I mentioned DO use a drop sheet cause even if you dont spill a drop the first day by the end of the second day your new "hows ya father" swashbuckling manner wont wash well on inspection with DH. Even if you give him your cutest look
and say "We're trendsetters hon'...everyone will want their driveway to have freckles like ours !)

 5)  DO insure adequate ventilation! Possibly stop for a break when you start to talk to yourself and definately stop for a smidge of air BEFORE you start to answer yourself back or "get your groove" on to ABC radio!
(sorry neighbours...again! LOL)

 4)  Be a good scout and be prepared make sure you have a supply of "MURINE for sore dry eyes on hand ( or maybe swimming googles??) as prologed exposure to LACQUER FUMES WILL BURN YOUR EYE BALLS! 

 3)  Do NOT rush to finish said lacquering project, best to start fresh the folowing day, not stubbornly refuse to give up as the light fades because your "not wasting another
 FFF...Flipping" day on this thing. "

There are ALOT of insects that become active at sunset...all of which WILL kamikaze into freshly painted  lacquer!
( regardless of the imperfect look of stuck on insects, do not attempt a touch up bit of lacquer. Most especially NOT to the most viewed side, the side of the cabinet  you KNOW your FIL is most likely to comment my experience it can only end in tears!)

 2)   DO make sure, when hubby suggests turning on the sensor light so you can see, that you are positioned dirrectly underneath it. Not just out of range if it has a sensor on a timer. Teidious is just one word I used to describe stopping the lacquering process to run over and activate the sensor every ten minute so you can see what you are doing!!!
( before you think it I am short and I had no ladder!!!)

and finally the number

 1)  Thing I have learnt when lacquering a cupboard...

DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES wear you best forkless old tracky daks cause 5 minutes after the sunsets something bad WILL happen.

20 minutes later you will find out mozzies are not fussy eaters!!!
either that or do have the guniness world book of records adjudicators on hand to count and record mozzies bites to your ... and inner thighs, navel and neck!!!
DO have a video camera on hand to film an overweight middle aged woman, trouserless dancing round like a chicken with its head cut of whilst waiting for the calamine lotion to work on her neather regions!!!

oh a final foot note...
Calamine lotion with a
use by date
of Sept 2007 isnt gunna do a darn thing!

You know how I love to share anything that'll be helpful much information??? LOL


sandra said...

Oh the visuals!!!
I am pmsling here!!!
Thank you Marcy, I have learn't alot from your list.....but the main thing I have learnt is that when I buy a cupboard, I'm going to buy it already lacquered!!!

Marcy said...

Oh I forgot to mention if purchance you get brown lacquer/stain on your hands dont wipe them on the bum of you light grey trackdaks then go pick up kids from school. Everyone was looking at me and it wasnt till I got home did I realise they all were thinking I'd had an accident! raotfl and I think I may have muttered something once or twice about never falling for unstained furniture EVER EVER AGAIN!!! LOL