Tuesday, February 7, 2012

LETTING GO SO THEY CAN GROW....



Look what my biggest boy did last night ...He made perfect enchilladas!!!
We were all so impressed !!
He knew hed made it and we were in awe because we had to photograph his efforts  ...
all the BEST "master chief' ed meals are photographed, in keeping with what has become our most recent quirky family tradition! LOL


Daniel did such a great job. He read and followed instructions with a minum of supervision and fuss. Whats more he was enthusistic and stayed on task despite two lots of surprize visiters that collectively bought with them 5 more kids to add to the equasion. Amazing actually when you think there were a 3 year old and a 18 month old buzzing about his feet. Not to mention a slightly tormenting 10 year old brother undermining Daniels efforts using his best Mr Squiggle's BLACKBOARD voice to pester with an endless chant of  "HURRY UPPPP!!! " and a stream of off the cuff comments about how we'd "be sure to get food poisoning, if we didnt starve first " ahhh brotherly love eh?


It was just so heartwarming to watch Daniel move around from one task to the next with such determination and focus. Not bad for a kid who has had people knocking him down, trying to limit his potential for years with labels. Quite reassuring watching him seamlessly perform what seem like basic tasks that would have once been beyond him. We can let him use a knife WITHOUT reminding him that knife throwing is  unacceptable and that fingers need to remain attached to the end of hands at all times!

I retell these storys not to lessen my child but to encourage other parents similarly frustrated to keep their hope firmly in place. I cannot count the years I had spent following him around his everyday routines coaching, refocusing & reminding him what to do to get ready for school. Now I  can look back and laugh a little, at having to remind him everyday which direction the bathroom was when he'd be busy wandering of deep in thought. 

I still worried feverishly, right up till last years reports about his abilitiy to organise his own homework, assighnments and test revision because I lost my ability to micro mangage when he went to high school. He had a rough start in year 7 coping with organisation, timetables and constantly changing teachers. As frustrated as I was from cranky teachers phone calls and meetings I could empathsise and stratigise new solutions because it had been my downfall and a constant struggle for me my entire time in high school. I was overwhemed with his report card at the end of the year, he did amazing last year. Almost perfect comments on his report which included an A for maths and science  b's and C's. My "absent minded Professor", a nickname coined by four teachers from three different schools, was/ IS becoming more confident and "coming into his own" as they say.

He is only 14, I know there is a way to go ...
but I am happy because I feel finally he is 14 and he doesn't seem to struggle with the outside world and conformity as much. He's found his niche with a good bunch of friends, he shows initiative, maturity and even ... wisdom!  Wise beyond his years sometimes, on occasion Id go as far as to say he, appears far wiser 
than his own late 30 something mother.... only sometimes! LOL

I just feel grateful and humbled that he's growing into himself and who he's going to be more and more each day.... ... As too are the hairs on his chinny chin chin, that he wont shave or let his mother wax cause she's offered believe me she's offered! LOL 
( rereading that line I imagine it must be hard and slightly embarrassing to have his mum sometimes!)


I also love we have almost an empathy link ...we are friends to a point, we share a certain warpped sence of humour and can enjoy things togther on a level no one else in the family shares ...it can be very special. I do know I will have to hold on for grim life to keep the connection through the turbulent teen age years ahead. For the moment a love of DR WHO, artistic endevours, Percy Jackson & The hunger games novels binds us together ...oh that and waiting till the HUNGER GAMES movire comesout on the 17th of March!!! But I digress... LOL



I think I am having that realization our 1st baby is well on his way to being a man....  
and NOT JUST CAUSE HE COOKED EXCELLENT ENCHILADAS!!! 
( Is it too soon to encourage him to attempt Thai cuisine yet? LOL)
In all seriousness, we are moving into the next scary sets of milestones I dared not think of,  let alone worry about. They seemed so far away... like maybe we'd never get there. Things like mobile phone ownership, driving ( arghhhh! ) part time jobs, curfews and birds & bees issues 
( oh gawd did I just type that.. I'm such a prude! LOL) 

I am proud he has become so strong and  more mature, although he could stop for a while with the "growing" bit as he is already a smidge under 6 ft  with a size 11mens foot !!! (damn hormones in the chicken myth may have some truth after all!) well all I wanted to say was OMG I am so blessed to have my big boy and both my lil ones too. I think like allot of mums in the back of our mind we think maybe the love lessens as they move out of baby /cute little boy stage but it doesn't just like the child.... it grows as well !!!

 Over Id say the last 12 months I have come to realise I have made a  couple parenting foe par's one was not making my boys take on responsibilities to teach them the value of things like money, hard work, their parents and ... a disinfected inhabitable bedroom! It seems to be we have seen a some major progress in our eldest since trusting him not to loose a mobile phone, run over his foot with the lawn mower or get knocked off his bike riding to a friends place or what we call the "big" shops! LOL I just wanted to put it out there that sometimes its "good" parenting that lets go... so they can grow! Hopefully one mum like me might read this and have a think about the way they mollycoddle! LOL

     That and I wanted to put all this in writing before I sit down to explain to all of them they will be  taking on the reponsibility  to clean their own bathroom and GRRRROOOOSSS toilet from here
                                      on in and the glow wears off my epiphany !!!

:)

2 comments:

Wyn Vogel said...

Not too early to start on Thai!!!

He could start practicing before we call in later this year ....... His enchilladas look fantastic ." go Daniel well done!! He is growing gracefully be proud Mum!!!

sue said...

It's extra hard to let go and not "molly coddle" your child/ children when they are a little "left of centre"
it's a long struggle for all involved!